Life is unFae
by SnixPierce
Summary: Lauren and Bo were happily married until Lauren got sick. Lauren has one final wish but can Bo respect it or will she fight the very nature of life itself?


"I'm sorry, there is nothing more we can do."

...

Bo awoke with a start. Her head lifting off the bed where it had been resting. She stretched her back upright.

'Crap. These hospital chairs are so fucking uncomfortable. Like seriously do they encourage pain here or what?' Bo grumbled to herself.

She looked over at the reason why she had been sitting in an uncomfortable hospital chair for who know how many hours.

Lauren Lewis.

Bo sighed as she leant over and kissed the doctor lightly on the lips before settling back down in the chair.

She unconsciously started in on her new habit. She listened to Lauren breathing and watched as Lauren chest moved up and down while she breathed in and out.

In & out.

In & out.

In & out.

It was a terrifying comfort, because as long as that was happening it meant that she was safe, Lo was still alive, but once it stopped... well Bo dreaded that moment above all else.

She noticed a change in the breathing and knew it meant Lauren was waking up.

"You know I love the fact that even in this horrible hospital gown you still can't keep your eyes off my chest but I really don't think I'm up to do anything about it; which is an awful shame." Lauren said struggling to lift her upper half up to sit upright against the back of the bed but managing.

Bo let out a light laugh before leaning over to kiss Lauren once more. Moving back just a bit she says "Well I guess your kisses will just have to make up for it then, huh?"

"I guess so." Lauren said before leaning her head forward and connecting their lips once more.

Knowing that Lauren was in no state for a heavy make out session Bo regretfully parted their lips and sat back down in her chair.

"Did you sleep well"? Bo asked with a small smile knowing full well that for most of the night Lauren hadn't stirred much at all.

In & out.

In & out.

In & out.

"Yes. I did. What about you?"

Bo just shrugged.

"Honey, you look more tired than I feel."

"Well... these chairs suck." Bo said feebly.

"You know you shouldn't be sleeping in that chair." Lauren half heartedly chastised.

Bo just shrugged again. She wasn't doing much sleeping but she wasn't gonna admit that wasn't because of the chair.

Well mostly anyway. The chair really was the freakin worst.

Wanting to change the subject Bo asked "How are you feeling?"

Lauren not wanting to lie thought about it before she settled on "Comfortable".

Bo winced. She knew what that meant.

"How are you feeling?" Lauren asked gently.

Bo just shrugged yet again. She didn't want to get into it.

"Bo. I wouldn't ask if I didn't want to know."

"Well maybe I don't want you to know." Bo said bitterly.

"I know you've been wanting to say something for days but you've been stopping yourself. I think you should tell me now before it's too late."

Bo clenched her jaw at the reminder.

"Fine. I'll tell you how I'm feeling. I'm mad at you. I'm mad at myself. I'm mad at this hospital. I'm just so angry. And hurt. And I feel guilty and I don't know, so much more. I just feel so heavy all the time. It's like I'm breathless, but not in the good way. Like I'm drowning and breathing is a struggle. And everybody can see me drowning and they all try to help but they can't fix it. Just- just like they can't fix you."

"Oh." Lauren said with tears in her eyes. She knew this was hard for her but she hadn't expected all that. "I get why you feel angry, it's a natural response to grief, but why on Earth do you feel guilty?"

"Because when you were trying to help find a cure with science and I was looking for a cure Fae wise sometimes I would just be so happy to escape this heavy feeling. To get away from it all, to get- to get away from you, to have a distraction. But then I'd realize I should be with you as much as possible and I'd feel guilty. And it just made everything feel even worse." Bo said looking down feeling ashamed.

"Look at me. You shouldn't feel guilty for that at all. It makes perfect sense. You needed to escape for a while and that doesn't make you a bad person. Not even a little. Besides I was using the idea of finding a cure as an escape just as much as you were." Lauren said trying to reassure the woman.

She thought it was quite ironic that everything Fae was supposed to be stronger and yet she had managed to cure the Fae equivilant of cancer but had been unable to do so for the human version.

She didn't share this thought with Bo. She didn't think she would appreciate the irony.

She'd been diagnosed with cancer about three years ago. At first she was optimistic, it was only stage 1. They had caught it early. But as time went on and she went through chemo and all possible treatments it was obvious that this was a very hostile strain and refused to be removed from her system. Before too long she was declared terminal. That's when she and Bo took it upon themselves to find a cure. Unfortunately they were both unsuccessful...well sort of.

Bo had been trying to get her emotions back under control but before she knew it she was blurting everything out.

"Lauren please, I can't get through this without you. Please. I know you said no, but please! How am I supposed to deal with this?!"

"Bo. You are strong enough to get through this, I promise you. This can't be helped." Lauren said.

"But it can! I don't understand, why choose to die?" Bo asked desperately.

"I'm not choosing to die Bo. It's the natural end of my life cycle; of all life cycles. I no more chose to die than when ignited by heat, thermite undergoes an exothermic oxidation-reduction reaction. It's just nature and how things inevitably are."

"But it's not inevitable! You can stop it Lauren!" Bo yelled getting frustrated standing up from the chair. Why wouldn't Lauren just do it? Just hearing her geek speak and knowing she was going to lose that was making everything hurt even more.

"Bo". Lauren said softly and grabbed her hand.

Bo automatically calmed at the touch and looked over at her wife. She was so beautiful. Why was something so beautiful allowed to die?

Bo sat down and finally expressed what she'd been too scared to hear the answer to all along.

"Am I not enough to stay for?"

Bo said it so quietly while avoiding all eye contact that Lauren almost didn't hear but when she did a part of her heart broke. Lauren waited till Bo was looking at her again before replying.

"Bo. My Bo. Love, of course you are enough. You are more than enough. I love you. Every single part of you. And while I love that you are Fae I could never become one myself. Being mistreated as I was, putting up with what they made me go through - us go through, taking that last step to become part of that world, to become even more involved in their politics, their actions... well I just can't. Besides I'm a human and proud of it. If I turned Fae it would just reinforce their incorrect belief that we are lesser and we all wish to be Fae."

"So you won't stay here with me to prove a point?!" Bo asked increduasly that rage that seemed to be at a constant simmering level rising again.

But Lauren replied calmly. "Honey, I know you're angry but I'd like to spend our last few hours together not arguing. But I will say that I'm not doing this to prove a point. If I could chose I would obviously chose life. But life as a Fae is simply not an option for me. I am a human and happy about it, something you helped me to remember to be. It's helped shape who i am today and it's something you should not be asking me to give up. You are a succubus and you should be proud of that. It's helped make you who you are today and I wouldn't ask you to give that up."

Knowing what Lauren had said about arguing but not willing to just give up on something this important Bo replied.

"But you're asking me to give you up! And you've helped shape who I am more than me being a succubus ever will. You're asking me to give up something even more important. Don't you get it?! I'd haven given up being Fae. I'd have given it up in a heartbeat. To grow old with you, even have kids, to live my life out with you completely."

In fact she had tried. She feared this very scenerio; that Lauren would die and for the rest of her very long life all she'd be left with were memories and heart ache. She had tried to find a spell, a potion anything to help her lose her faeness to be human. She had enlisted help from Trick, Hale, Dyson, Tasmin even the Morrigan but alas no such thing existed. She had, had to settle for a fake aging potion. Something that made her look like she was growing older but really she was as immortal and healthy inside as ever. Apparently it was used by previous Fae to blend in with human society over the years. Lauren and her had argued about the use of it and how it would effect her job but ultimately Bo had won and in fact it had helped on many a case. No one expected the aged lady to be the seductress. Bo was broken out of her thoughts by Lauren's voice.

"I'm sorry, Bo." Lauren said sadly.

Bringing up kids was a sore subject for both of them. Eventually Bo had come around to the idea and when they had begun to look through possible options for the birth and really started to get into this baby stuff Bo was even more excited than Lauren.

Then Lauren got sick and that became a priority. Bo would continue to reassure Lauren that once she got better they would start a family.

Bo was reassuring herself at the same time.

Just wait until Lauren got better...

But she never did.

Lauren can't help but feel guilty.

"It's not your fault that you got sick baby." Bo said seriously, holding Lauren's hand just a bit tighter.

After Bo had learnt that Lauren wouldn't be getting better, that she was terminal, well she couldn't accept that. She couldn't watch the love of her life die. She had known eventually that it would come but that was a distant thought. Something she'd chosen to ignore but now it was a reality. An ugly truth that she was unwilling to let come to pass.

So she yet again went on a search but this time not for herself but for Lauren. Anything to heal her. Finally after loads of dead ends, a lot of searching and endless bribes she had found a spell to make Lauren Fae. She was so excited when she thought she had gotten the solution. Not only would Lauren be cured but she'd be hers for hundreds more years. But apparently being human was something Lauren refused to surrender.

One of the many things that Bo loved about them as a couple was that they balanced each other out. Many a time they had differing opinions so therefore they were forced to consider things from different view points and yet they could still be totally in sync; it was amazing. But Bo could not understand this. She'd give up her faeness in a split second.

"Bo. I would never ask you give all that up for me and truthfully I'd argue against it just like you are now but ultimately I would recognize that it would be your decision like this is mine, alright?

Bo looked her over and sighed in defeat. Every part of her wanted to continue to fight. Some of her wanted to convince Lauren with soft words of love, some of her just wanted to shake some sense into her and ask how she could think of leaving her like this, some of her even wanted to seduce Lauren and force her to make the decision to turn into Fae but just looking at her she knew she couldn't. Lauren looked so fragile, she knew it was almost time and she decided to follow Lauren's advice and refuse to spend that time arguing.

Lauren seeming to recognize the fact that Bo had accepted what was to come shifted on the bed and moved the covers to the side.

"Can you hold me? You make me feel so safe and I'm kinda scared Bo."

Science had explained a lot in her life but what happens after death was still a mystery to her.

Bo's eyes teared up but she managed to choke out a small "Okay". That was the first time Lauren had expressed anything but acceptance about what was to come.

Bo felt the same way. She was so, so afraid.

Bo clambered onto the bed gently making sure to not knock any wires lose and she held open her arms as a frail dying Lauren climbed into them.

Lauren settled into her succubus and she could hear the beating of Bo's heart. It was so strong, just like Bo. She wished with all of her heart that she could give Bo what she wanted, what she needed. She had after all made many sacrifices for the woman above her and gladly because she was more than worth it. It seemed however that no matter how she struggled against herself she just couldn't give up her humanity.

Oh how she wished she could though. To know that this was the last moment she would get to spend with Bo: that there were be no more loving but badly cooked breakfast in beds, no more lazy Sundays in that god forsaken crack shack, no more talking geek just to see Bo smile and no more amazing love making, that it was just this, this moment, it was almost enough to make her beg Bo to keep her alive.

But she didn't. She just snuggled in closer to her wife and said "I love you."

Bo could only just manage to whisper back an "I love you too".

Lauren felt Bo's heart speed up and although it was a silly thought, it was almost as if it were trying to make up for the beats that her own heart was slowly missing.

"Whatever happened, whatever was decided we were in this together. Thank you."

Bo just held on tighter and concentrated on Lauren's breathing.

In & out.

In & out.

In & out.

Bo looked down and noticed that Lauren had drifted off into sleep. She finally let herself break and she couldn't help but sob. The fact that her shaking body didn't wake Lauren up confirmed that it was going to happen soon.

She continued to look down at the beautiful, one and only Dr. Lauren Lewis and knew she couldn't just let this happen...could she?

* * *

AN: No seriously, could she? Should Bo fight it or accept it?


End file.
